I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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