I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
