I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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