So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
