She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
