How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
