nut hugger
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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