I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
