dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
