oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
