This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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