Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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