I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
