life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
