I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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