FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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