I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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