I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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