I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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