omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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