i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
