He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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