I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
