My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
