my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
