you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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