i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
