i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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