Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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