You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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