i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
