I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
