i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
