Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
