I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
