I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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