You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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