So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
