i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have post one night stand depression
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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