I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
