Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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