Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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