You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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