I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
