Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
