The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When are your genitals available?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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