Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
