I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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