im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
