new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
