I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
