Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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