If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
