I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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