I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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